


Aches and Pains

by FangirlFiles



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Fluff, Literally just Princey and Anxiety being cute, M/M, Prinxiety - Freeform, Slow Burn, and even more slowly possibly falling in love, slowly becoming friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2018-11-13 20:34:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11192889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirlFiles/pseuds/FangirlFiles
Summary: Anxiety has been acting extra angry lately, growling at everyone who comes near him in the common room. Logan and Patton send Roman to figure out what's wrong with him.After that night Roman is determined to get closer to Anxiety, but he finds it to be much more difficult than he planned to get him to open up.





	1. Aches and Pains

Anxiety had been extra difficult lately. He spent most of his time curled up knees to chest on the couch in the common room, growling at anyone who would try to speak to him. He didn’t move from that spot, and he had even been slacking on his job. Thomas had been surprisingly anxiety free for the last few days.

  
“I’m worried about him,” Patton whispered to the other two sides as they poked their heads around the hallway wall, staring at Anxiety scrolling through his phone. “He’s been like this for days.”

  
Logan adjusted his glasses, “it’s Anxiety. Him being antisocial is not unusual behavior.”

  
“Well, yeah but he’s usually more, Anxiety than he’s being. It’s just different! He isn’t even saying anything mean lately, he just… growls.” Patton shrugged, “I mean, I like dogs but that’s just a bit much!”

  
“I suppose that his lack of sarcasm and dark humor is slightly abnormal. Perhaps we should be slightly worried.” Logan sighed and turned to Roman, “You should speak to him.”

  
“Me! Why?” Roman exclaimed, causing the others to shush him and pull him back into the hallway. “We are mortal enemies!”

  
“Precisely. If he lashes out at you, it changes nothing,” Logan said. “It is clearly the most logical solution.”

  
“Yes! And then he won’t growl at me! But this is really making me want a dog…” Patton inhaled with excitement and poked Logan in the shoulder, “can we get a dog after this?”

  
“No.”

  
“Do I really have to be the one to speak with him?” Roman groaned.

  
“Yes.”

  
\--

  
It was late enough that everyone had gone to bed, or so Anxiety thought. He was still curled in a ball on the couch, resting his chin on his knees with his earbuds in. For once, he wasn’t actually listening to music. His playlist had ended a while ago and he couldn’t be bothered to change it.

  
He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. He was just glad to finally be alone, the others had been lingering around him all day. Normally he would be hiding in his room, but that just wasn’t going to happen any time soon. With the silence in his ears, he was surprised to hear the creaking of floorboards behind him. He whirled around to see Roman staring at him with a hesitant look on his face. Anxiety growled.

  
Roman sighed. “Stop that, it’s unbecoming.” He walked around the couch and sat down next to Anxiety, who scooted closer to the edge and scowled. “The others have decided me to be the one to confront you, despite me telling them that you are my nemesis. So let’s make this as short as possible. What is wrong with you lately?”

  
Anxiety glared at him, “What do you care?”

  
“I don’t. But as the Prince of this mind palace, it is my job to keep everything in order.” Roman puffed his chest out and gestured wildly to the space around him, eliciting a snicker from the other boy. Roman glared back at him.

  
“Whatever, Princey.” He grabbed his phone and started another song, far louder than he should have right in his ears, but he didn’t care. He just wanted Roman to leave him alone. Unfortunately, it was clear that wasn’t going to happen as the earbuds were pulled from his ears. “Ow! What the hell? Give them back.”

  
“Take them then. Or tell me what’s wrong. It’s up to you, Grumpy.” Roman dangled the earbuds in front of Anxiety’s face, but he just flipped his hood up and looked away, shielding his face with his bangs. Roman sighed, it was unusual for Anxiety not to fight back. Something was definitely wrong. He had to find out what, but there was no way that he would tell him without a fight. This was way more trouble than it was worth, Logan and Patton were going to hear from him tomorrow.

  
He thought for a moment about how he was going to make this happen. As Thomas’s creativity it really shouldn’t be this difficult, but he didn’t know Anxiety very well. He twirled the earbuds in his hands, staring at him in hopes that he would just open up and say it. Anxiety seemed to be sinking more and more into the couch the longer that he stayed. Why didn’t he just leave? Normally whenever people would sit next to him he would get up and storm off into his room, grumbling about personal space. What was so different now?

  
His eyes followed the earbuds cord down and into the pocket of Anxiety’s hoodie, and an idea struck him. With the speed of a good knight, Roman tugged the cord and grabbed the phone out of his pocket. “You’re off your guard today aren’t you, Anxiety?” He teased, quickly going to the photos app.

  
Anxiety’s entire body tensed. “Give that back, now.”

  
“Let’s just see what we have here.” He tapped the first picture, putting a Myspace style selfie onto the screen. The black and white filter accentuated the darkness under his eyes and his lips had a slight pout. Roman knew that he was being cruel, Anxiety was highly protective over his phone, but he wasn’t fighting for it, and that was highly suspicious.

  
“I will kill you, bring you back, and kill you again.” Anxiety was shaking, his entire body bristling with rage. But even so, he was barely moving.

  
Roman scrolled to the next photo and burst out laughing. Anxiety was standing wearing his hoodie and no shirt in front of a mirror, one hand holding the phone and the other gripping the zipper of his hoodie. Before he could examine the photo any further, Anxiety had pulled the phone out of his hands. Roman’s laughter was cut short when he saw that Anxiety was now curled up even tighter, groaning in pain. His phone was clutched so tightly in his hand that his knuckles were turning white. Roman hesitated, “...Anxiety? What’s wrong?”

  
Anxiety just buried his head his arms.

  
“Okay, this has gone far enough. You need to tell me, now.” Roman put a hand on his arm and leaned forward in an attempt to make eye contact. “Please.”

  
Anxiety sighed, there was no way he could avoid it now. He would just get his phone taken again and he did not want Roman scrolling through any more of his pictures. “My back.”

  
“What about it?”

  
He groaned loudly and grabbed handfuls of his hair. “I fell asleep sitting like this, and now I can’t move.”

  
“Wait, and you’ve been like this for days?” Roman leaned back. They were just in Thomas’s head, so they didn’t have to eat, go to the bathroom, or anything like that, but it had become habitual for most of them (except Logan, who didn’t see the point). But to be stuck in one place for days, barely moving at all would be miserable. Roman just wondered why he had never asked for help. But then again, it was Anxiety and he was never known to ask for anything, let alone help.

  
“Yes. Happy? Now leave me alone.” Anxiety put his earbuds back in and turned his music up even louder than it had been before. After a few moments of silence from the other side of the couch, he thought that Roman might actually leave him alone. Of course, he couldn’t be that lucky. Not after everything else that he had to deal with. He felt Roman place his hand on his back. Anxiety ripped his earbuds out again, “No. No way! Do not.”

  
“You don’t have a choice. I will not have you sitting in here, in pain, and lashing out at everybody because of it any longer. Now just be quiet and let me do this.” Roman began massaging Anxiety’s back, right between his shoulder blades. This was weird and uncomfortable for both of them. While they didn’t exactly hate each other, they didn’t like each other. And they were definitely not friends. But even so, Roman couldn’t just ignore someone who needed help. He was too chivalrous for that, even when it was Anxiety who needed the help.

  
Anxiety groaned in frustration again. He was never one for physical contact. He didn’t hate it exactly, but he wasn’t close enough with anyone to make it comfortable. Contact makes people more vulnerable, and if there was one thing that Anxiety hated most it was being vulnerable. But he had to admit that after days of being stuck on the couch unable to move, it felt quite nice to have someone working the tension out of his muscles. He didn’t exactly approve, but he definitely didn’t want it to stop.

  
They sat like that for a while, with Roman massaging his back, neck, and shoulders in silence. They both knew that speaking would end the moment, and as much as both of them didn’t want to admit it to themselves, it was nice to not be fighting. And it was nice to be close to someone for once. Roman felt as Anxiety’s muscles started to relax, and he watched him slowly begin to stretch his body out more and more. Eventually he was actually sitting on the couch like a normal person with his feet on the ground, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees to still allow access to his back.

  
Even though his body posture was more open, Anxiety still hid his face in his hands, avoiding eye contact. But Roman didn’t take it for granted. Anxiety never let anyone touch him, let alone so intimately. Not that they were being intimate in any way. But it was nice to see him not shrinking away from any kind of contact. Roman began to notice how content he actually was just sitting in silence with him, until Anxiety stood up suddenly, wincing. “Stop.”

  
Roman put his hands up in defence and surprise. “What did I do?”

  
Anxiety stood in front of him, still a bit folded in on himself and not making any eye contact. “It’s better now.”

  
“It doesn’t look better, you still look cramped.” Roman stood up, unsure of what to do next.

  
“It’s okay, I can get to my bedroom now. I’m fine.” His bangs were hiding his eyes, but Roman could still see the dark bags under them. He was pleased to notice that they looked a little less dark. He stayed silent as Anxiety turned away from him and slowly made his way towards the hallway until he suddenly stopped. Without turning around, Anxiety muttered a quiet “Thank you.” It was so quiet that Roman almost couldn’t hear it, but it made a smile spread across his face.

  
“I still don’t like you.” Roman said to his back, with his smile coming through in his voice.

  
“Well, the feeling’s mutual, Disney boy.” Anxiety retreated to his bedroom.

  
\--

  
After that day, Anxiety didn’t growl at anyone in the common room as long as they didn’t get too close. But to Patton and Logan’s surprise, Roman was able to sit next to him without a word. They still weren’t exactly friendly, but personal space was less of an issue. They never spoke of it again, and they were a little bit nicer to each other… just a little bit.


	2. The Mandela Effect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman is trying to get to know Anxiety better, but he is just having none of it.

Roman had always been convinced that Anxiety only had two modes, angry and anxious, but after helping him out that night, he had realized that there was really much more to him. They hadn’t reached a point of being friendly, definitely not, but they didn’t mind being near each other too much now. However Roman found himself wanting more. He wanted to actually be friends with the strange, grumpy trait.

  
He had been trying to talk to him more, but it was rare for him to be in the common room or really anywhere else that other people would be. He had discovered that Anxiety comes out of his room more once everyone else had gone to bed. Logan and Patton kept strict sleep schedules, so they were always asleep by 9pm. Roman had always found that boring, so many adventures could be had at night, but he had always joined them. No one else would be awake and he would just get bored anyway.

  
One night Roman was awoken by sounds that he wasn’t used to coming from the common room. He quietly snuck out of his room to investigate the sound. When he got to the room, he was surprised to find Anxiety laying in the dark with his legs hung over the back of the couch, watching some video loudly on his phone. He was practically upside down, curled into the crease of the couch with his phone shining blue light into his eyes.

  
Roman watched him for a moment. How could he possibly be comfortable like that? His back was twisted and his legs were probably falling asleep from the strange angle, but he seemed to be incredibly content lying that way. No wonder his back spasmed after falling asleep like that. Anxiety let out a sharp exhale through his nose. Was that a laugh? Roman wondered. He had never seen the boy laugh before, or even smile. He wondered if he was smiling now, but the phone blocked his view. He debated about leaving Anxiety alone, he seemed to be happy for once, but he was too intrigued by the situation. “You know, laying like that is probably why your back hurts all of the time.”

  
Anxiety startled, pausing the video and throwing himself into his usual cross legged position faster than Roman had ever seen him move before. He glared when he saw Roman standing in the hallway. He did not appreciate being startled.

  
“What are you watching anyway?” Roman questioned. He moved closer to get a better look at the screen, but Anxiety quickly shut it off and pushed the phone into the pocket of his hoodie.

  
“Nothing.” Anxiety grumbled, staring at Roman standing behind the couch. He seemed to be just waiting for him to leave, his arms crossed, watching his every move. He was clearly uncomfortable again.

  
Roman felt a bit bad for disturbing him, it didn’t seem like he felt comfortable very often. But the boy was never going to let him in at all if he just gave up every time that he expected him to. “It didn’t look like nothing, you laughed. I saw it.”

  
Anxiety just groaned and got up from the couch, retreating to his bedroom without a word and leaving Roman alone in the common room. The prince sighed and shook his head. This was going to be harder than he thought.

  
\--

  
Roman decided that he would keep trying. Every night he would find Anxiety laying in some strange position in the common room, watching videos on his phone. At first he tried to be subtle and just listen to figure out what he was watching, but Anxiety was more aware of his presence after that first night. As soon as he would hear Roman in the hallway he would huff aggressively and storm off into his bedroom.

  
What’s the big deal? Roman wondered. He hated feeling like he was being cruel. It seemed that he always felt that way when it came to getting Anxiety to open up even a little. If he didn’t push him no progress would be made, but in pushing him he felt like he was coming dangerously close to losing any chance of making friends. He was starting to get discouraged.

  
The next day he found Logan and Patton in the kitchen making breakfast for everyone. He sank down into a dining chair and watched them work. They didn’t have to eat but sometimes Patton got into the mood for food and he would rally everyone up to eat breakfast together. “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!” He would exclaim as he loaded everyone’s plates up with eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes. Except for Anxiety, who disliked pancakes and would just poke them with his fork for the entire meal. Patton made it a point to make a waffle for him instead. It was the same batter and everything, so Roman really didn’t understand the point.

  
“What’s got you down this morning?” Patton asked, looking concerned.

  
Roman sighed dramatically. “I’ve been trying to make friends with Anxiety, but he’s just getting more and more angry with me. Why don’t we get along at all?”

  
Patton flipped a pancake and then passed the spatula to Logan for him to take over. He joined Roman at the kitchen table. “Well don’t get discouraged! You guys are definitely more friendly than you used to be!”

  
“I suppose. I just don’t get why he hates people so much!”

  
Patton laughed, “he doesn’t hate people! He actually likes people a lot, he just gets scared that we won’t like him.”

  
Roman frowned. That was ridiculous. Why would he even think that? He’s been trying to make friends for what felt like ages now, but Anxiety just kept pushing him away every with every effort he made.

  
“I know it doesn’t make sense to you, but you have to think about it from his point of view! You two have always fought with each other. Why would you try to make friends with him now? Things were fine how they were before. He doesn’t like change, and he doesn’t like when he doesn’t understand people. But you have to keep pushing him, nicely of course, because he’s too scared to do it himself. He wants to be friends with all of us, but he doesn’t want us to know he’s trying because if he fails, we will all know what happened.

 

“How do you know him so well?” Roman questioned.

 

“I get emotions, and Anxiety is made of super strong emotions. They may be negative ones, but that’s still my strong point!” Patton beamed at him. “But now, breakfast time!”

\--

That night, Roman was already waiting for Anxiety when he finally slinked out of his room. As soon as Anxiety saw him there, he groaned and turned on his heel.

  
“Wait!” Roman caught up to him and grabbed him by the arm. “Don’t run away this time. I just want to hang out with you.”

  
Anxiety eyed him through his bangs. “Why?”

  
“Because like you I am also a night owl, and it’s nice to have someone else around.” Roman shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other while the other trait just stared at him. “We don’t even have to talk.”

  
Anxiety blinked a few times, suspicious. “Fine.” He pulled his arm loose from Roman’s grip and heavily flopped himself onto the arm of the couch, using the back to prop up his elbow. Without a word he opened up a game on his phone and started playing.

  
Roman just grinned and settled down onto the floor. He pulled out an adult coloring book and placed it on the coffee table in front of him, setting to work coloring in the designs. He could feel Anxiety’s eyes on him, but he didn’t look up, grinning to himself.

  
“Are you seriously coloring?” Anxiety finally asked, eyeing the book. “That’s for kids.”

  
“Actually, this is an adult coloring book.” Roman closed the book and showed Anxiety the cover. “As Thomas’s creative side, I have to keep my skills sharp!”

  
Anxiety scoffed and went back to his game. There was tension in the air and they could both feel it, but neither of them quite knew what to say. Roman was just elated that his future friend (he was determined) hadn’t left this time and Anxiety was just busy wondering why this was happening.

  
After a while, Anxiety started getting fidgety. He had gotten bored of his game ages ago and he had already scrolled through all of his other apps multiple times. He kept switching positions on the couch and flipping his phone around in his hands. How long did Roman want to hang out with him? He was getting to the end of his rope.

  
“Why don’t you watch your videos?” Roman asked, finally looking up from his creation. “I know you like doing that when I’m not here.”

  
Anxiety frowned. He had been wanting to catch up on his YouTube subscriptions from the day, but he had a bit of a problem. “I lost my earbuds.”

  
“Oh, well I don’t mind.” Roman shrugged, going back to his coloring.

  
“Well…” It’s not like he was watching anything that he was embarrassed about, but for some reason Anxiety was just nervous about watching a video with Roman there. He didn’t understand why, it’s not like Roman would care, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling that the other would judge him. Not that he cared what Roman thought, he just didn’t want to deal with that. He shifted on the couch again. He was bored though, and had been for some time. He didn’t want to go back to his room. He spent a lot of time in there and he really enjoyed having time elsewhere when the others weren’t being their overly sunshiney selves. He huffed quietly to himself and opened the YouTube app to one of Shane Dawson’s conspiracy videos, his favorite at the moment. He threw his hood over his head and shielded his face as his finger hovered over the play button. “Fine, but just… don’t listen, okay?”

  
Roman hummed in agreement. He didn’t exactly understand the request, but he didn’t understand Anxiety in the first place anyway. He really did try not to listen, but as the video played he found himself getting more and more sucked into these ideas that he had never heard before. Just what is the Illuminati and why is everyone so worried about them? But one question in particular just wouldn’t leave his head. “Anxiety?”

  
The video paused.

  
“What is the Mandela Effect?” Roman was worried that he would get angry that he had been listening to the video the entire time, but his worry quickly shifted when Anxiety got a strangely evil looking grin on his face. Did that count as a smile? He wondered to himself.

  
Anxiety was quiet as he tapped on the screen, navigating to another video. He tapped on the very first video Shane made about the Mandela effect and handed Roman the phone. “This is going to royally mess you up.”

  
“Did you just make a dad--”

  
“Shut up and watch the video.” Anxiety glared as he flipped his hood off of his head, swung his legs over the back of the couch, and closed his eyes to just listen as the video played.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed the second chapter of this. It was originally just going to be the first chapter, but after people seemed to like it I decided to write more!  
> I know it may be strange for Anxiety to be so worried about someone listening to a video he's watching, but that's something that actually gives me anxiety. I really don't like to watch videos that I haven't seen before with other people listening. It freaks me out, so I thought it would be a perfect thing to make Anxiety a bit nervous. Does anyone else have that problem or is it just me?  
> Let me know what you think!


	3. Calm The F*ck Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety has a minor anxiety attack and Roman feels the need to do something about it, even though he doesn't quite know how.

It was going to be a rough day for Anxiety, he could tell. Sometimes he just woke up feeling tense and anxious with no reason for it at all. It made sense, since he was the embodiment of anxiety, but it made him grind his teeth in frustration and hide away from the world.

  
He tried to go back to sleep, but his heart was pounding and his eyes didn’t want to close. He tossed and turned, throwing his sheets off and then scrambling to collect them and pull them back over him again and again until he finally forced himself to get up. He sat on the bed, gripping the edges next to him, closing his eyes and just breathing for a moment. He felt his toes on the carpet, trying to ground himself, but thinking too hard on it just made him even more anxious. This day was going to be absolutely horrible.

  
He got up and trudged to the bathroom to shower. This was a risk, he knew. Showers could be either really helpful for his anxiety or it could turn into a complete mental breakdown, which would be difficult to shield Thomas from. But even with the risk he had to try, he couldn’t spend the entire day feeling so on edge. He was starting to feel nauseous from the pounding in his chest. He turned on the shower and focused on his breathing while the water got hot.

  
Why was he feeling like this? Was there actually a reason that he just wasn’t realizing? He stepped into the shower, feeling the beads of water pound onto his skin. It was hot, but the pressure felt good. He tipped his head back and let the water pour over his hair and into his eyes. He didn’t care. But he couldn’t stop thinking about it. There just had to be a reason, this didn’t just feel like the extra stress that he would wake up with some days.

  
The more he thought about it the heavier his breathing got. He suddenly felt like the water was too hot, like the steam was starting to fill his lungs. He sat down on the shower floor, letting the water pour over his entire body like rain. He was beginning to hyperventilate, he could feel it. “It’s okay,” he whispered to himself. “It’ll be okay. It’s okay.”

  
He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself, gripping tightly at his bare sides. This was too much. It was always too much. Tears slipped from his eyes as he gasped for breath. He knew that he was being ridiculous. There was no reason for this, why was this happening? With one final gasp he held his breath and counted to five.

  
His entire body shook as he let out the held breath. He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling the stinging in his eyes from the water and tears. It was painful, but it helped for some reason. He focused on breathing in a rhythm. “Enough of this,” he told himself and stood back up. “You’re being an idiot.”

  
He felt his heart start to race again as he stood back up, but he choked down the lump that had began to rise in his throat. A knock on the door pulled him out of his head. “Breakfast time!”

  
Anxiety took a deep breath before answering. “Coming.”

  
He quickly stepped out of the shower and dried himself, working to pull himself together as he went. Patton had started making breakfast every day for the past few days. It was becoming a tradition that Anxiety very slightly enjoyed, though he dreaded taking part. Patton always waited outside the door for him to come out after calling him to eat. He knew that if he didn’t, Anxiety wouldn’t come out at all. He always felt too bad if he left him standing out there for too long.

  
Wiping his eyes one more time, he pulled his hood over his head and opened the door. Patton eyed him closely. “You okay kiddo?”

  
“Fine,” he grumbled as he pushed past him. He had to get this breakfast over with. Who knows how long he could hold himself together in front of everyone today.

  
“Well, just know you’ve got friends all around you if you need us, okay?”

  
He nodded in acknowledgement and headed toward the dining room. Anxiety paused for a moment when he saw Roman at the table. He felt his heart pound in his chest yet again, nerves bubbling up from his stomach. Oh, of course. He had finally figured out the problem. It was Roman.

  
“Good morning, Anxiety,” Logan greeted him as he sat reluctantly at the table. He just grunted in response. Words were not going to be his strong suit today. The other three sides began chatting with each other while Anxiety picked at his food. Seeing the waffles made him feel slightly better. He would never say it, but it meant a lot that Patton went out of his way for him so often. He just wished he could return the favor somehow.

  
He watched Roman from behind his bangs. He had never liked the guy. He was overly dramatic, but the worst part was his ridiculous dreams and fairytales. Disney was one thing, this guy was another. He didn’t want to be a part of it. But lately, it had been getting less frustrating. The more time he spent with Roman, the less annoyed he was getting by him.

  
They had been spending a lot of time together recently, which was strange. He had never really hung out alone with any of the other sides before. Patton would always try to get him to play games with him, but those requests had always been thrown about with such enthusiasm that it was overwhelming. Anxiety didn’t like games anyway, they required him to interact more than he ever wanted to. Logan was alright, he didn’t ever mind too much when they ended up in the same room together, and he had been immensely helpful to him on more than one occasion. As long as Logan had a book, he was just a nice, constant presence without any obligation to interact.

  
Roman was different. He was exhausting. He was unpredictable, which was probably the worst thing for his stress levels, and he was loud. The only reason that they had started hanging out in the first place was because Roman had said they didn’t have to talk. He enjoyed having someone else in the room, he really did, as long as he didn’t have to put himself out there in any way. They had been talking a bit more, but not so much that it became unbearable. But he could feel that the other wanted more from him. He wanted actual friendship, which sent shivers down Anxiety’s spine. He was not good at friendship, which meant that the comfortable companionship they had been creating was going to end soon.

  
Roman looked up and noticed Anxiety staring at him. He quickly looked away, but a wave of nausea washed over him. This was not good. He quickly dismissed himself from the table, rushing to put his dish in the sink and retreat back to the safety of his bedroom. The others were surprised, but not too unused to his quick excusals from breakfast. They probably hated that he always left so quickly. Why did they have to involve him in breakfast anyway?

  
Anxiety spent the rest of the day in his room, trying to avoid the thought of friendship. He was not good at maintaining friends. They take work and effort, they require you to actually communicate and share parts of yourself with each other. A friend would not like being blown off every time that he got too nervous to participate in something. A friend would not tolerate him lashing out in his sudden outbursts of aggression. A friend would not tolerate him in general. He sighed and buried himself deeper into his bedsheets.

  
Today was a hiding day.

  
\--

  
Roman had been deep in thought since breakfast. Anxiety hadn’t said a single word for the entire meal and he hadn’t eaten much at all. It was strange, usually he had at least a few things to say about their witty banter, but he didn’t even smirk at them once and when they made eye contact his eyes panicked for a moment before he left. What was that about? Had he done something wrong?

  
He knocked quietly on Logan’s door. He didn’t usually go to him for problems like this, but Patton was busy talking to Thomas and he found himself needing answers sooner rather than later.

  
“Come in,” Logan said. Roman swung open the door to see the other side sitting at his desk and staring at his laptop screen. He knew the way visiting Logan always worked, so he waited patiently while he finished whatever he was reading. Finally he looked up at Roman, “what can I do for you?”

  
“I just have a question,” Roman sat heavily on Logan’s bed. “Do you think Anxiety was acting strangely today?”

  
Logan closed the lid of his laptop and turned his chair to fully face Roman. “Of course, he was having a minor anxiety attack.”

  
“What?” How had he not noticed? Logan had said it so matter of factly, like it was a common occurrence, like it wasn’t even a big deal. But it was a big deal! Anxiety was his friend (he had just decided to call him that now, it was easier.) and he had been completely blind. He was frustrated with himself. His ego had kept him from noticing. “How do you know?”

  
“I thought it was obvious.” Logan adjusts his glasses, “His eyes were red, the bags beneath them were darker than usual. He couldn’t eat, he didn’t speak, and he clearly couldn’t focus. The signs were all there, just as they have been before.”

  
Roman’s mind was racing. How had he missed all of those signs? He twisted his signature red sash in his hands, wrinkling the material in frustration. If it had been obvious, why hadn’t Logan said anything to Anxiety? “How often does this happen?”

  
“I suppose on roughly a weekly basis, however I cannot draw an accurate conclusion as he is often hidden away in his room.”

  
Roman laid back on the bed and ran his hands over his face. “That often? Why didn’t anyone talk to him?”

  
“It gives him even more anxiety to speak about it. Plus, he always comes to me if it ever gets to be too much for him to handle.”

  
Roman just stared at him in confusion. Why would he go to Logan when he was panicking? Why wouldn’t he go to Patton, or better yet even Roman himself? He had been working so hard to be a good friend, and yet Anxiety still didn’t trust him. “Why does he come to you?”

  
“I offer him objective reasoning to help calm his mind when it runs wild.” That made sense, but even so it hurt a bit that he had never come to him for help. He huffed, causing Logan to lift an eyebrow at him. “You and Anxiety are highly compatible, I do not doubt that you will be closer in the future.”

  
What was that supposed to mean? Roman thanked Logan for his help and left him to his work. He had more thinking to do, and a plan was forming in the back of his mind.

  
\--

  
Anxiety watched the clock. Soon he would have to go out to the common room to hang out with Roman. He didn’t want to, he just wanted to stay in bed and hide the night away like he had already done with most of his day, but he knew that it had become so routine that Roman would probably come looking for him. He sighed and forced himself to get up. He pulled his hoodie tighter around himself and left the safety of his bedroom.

  
When he got to the common room, Roman was already reclining in one of the chairs with a book. “Reading? Didn’t know you could.” Anxiety grumbled, trying to joke his way into feeling comfortable. It didn’t work.

  
Roman scoffed, feigning offense. “In fact, Mr. Myspace, I am an avid reader! Though I am only reading tonight because I have sadly finished all of the pages in my coloring book…”

  
Anxiety smirked and settled into his corner of the couch, curled with his knees to his chest. He couldn’t help but feel Roman’s eyes on him. It was making him nervous. What was he looking at?

  
“Actually, I have something for you.” Roman seemed hesitant as he grabbed something from the floor next to him. He got up and handed Anxiety a pair of new black headphones.

  
Anxiety took the headphones silently and turned them over in his hands a few times. They were very nice, and they looked like they would be incredibly soft on his ears. He eyed Roman, who stood awkwardly in front of him, shifting his weight back and forth. Anxiety searched his face for any hint of a joke, “Why?”

  
“I figured since you lost your earbuds, you could use a new pair. And these are much nicer.” Roman went back to his recliner and picked up his book, but Anxiety could tell that he wasn’t really reading it. The prince seemed nervous, but he had no idea why. He was a fan of grand gestures, he should have been delivering the gift with his usual dramatic flair, but instead he sat quietly pretending to read.

  
“Thanks,” Anxiety finally said. A smile flashed across the other’s face.

  
“Also… I made you a playlist on Spotify. I figured you could listen to it any time you’re feeling anxious…” Roman trailed off, staring at Anxiety. He was so clearly nervous, it was unlike him. “It’s on my profile, you can just search for DisneyPrinceRoman.”

  
Anxiety smirked and said, “of course that’s your username.” He pulled out his phone and went to the Spotify app, searching the name. His heart was pounding. This had to be a joke. He would press play and it would all be a cruel prank. Even so, he couldn’t help but feel a small amount of hope stirring in his stomach. Could Roman really be being so kind to him? He found the playlist titled “Anxiety” and put on the new headphones. He had been right about them being comfortable. He took one more glance at Roman, who was staring at his book again, and pressed play, bracing himself for disappointment.

  
He was pleasantly surprised. Gentle music played in his ears and he instantly felt calm wash over him, partly because the music was beautiful and partly because he had not actually been pranked after all. As he listened to the first song, he felt the nerves rise up in his chest again as he realized that he was probably supposed to react in some way. He looked up at Roman yet again, ready to meet an expectant stare, but he was absorbed in his book. Anxiety took a deep breath and allowed himself to get more comfortable on the couch.

  
\--

  
Roman had read the same page three times, trying to force himself not to look up at Anxiety to see what he thought of his playlist. He had never understood before, but he was beginning to now. Anxiety didn’t hate people, it just took him a while to trust them. He was determined to earn that trust, especially after being oblivious to his very real anxiety for all of this time. He was going to make this a lasting friendship, he had decided. He needed to.

  
It had been a half hour of wandering thoughts and barely reading when he finally allowed himself to look up at the other boy. Anxiety had fallen asleep listening to the music. He was completely stretched out along the couch, rolling slightly into the crease with his arms wrapped gently around himself. Roman noticed how tall he was. Obviously they were all the same height, but for some reason he had felt that Anxiety was shorter. It was probably because he slouched so much. He realized that he had never seen him when he wasn’t practically folding in on himself.

  
The best part, to Roman’s immense satisfaction, was the relaxed expression and slight smile on the boy’s face. He looked genuinely comfortable. Roman bit his lip to hold in the exclamation of pride that he desperately wanted to let out. He had not only made Anxiety smile, but he had made him comfortable on an anxious day. This was the greatest victory, he decided.

  
\--

  
The next day, Roman awoke with a sore back. He had fallen asleep in the chair. He rubbed his groggy eyes and looked around. Anxiety was nowhere to be found. He frowned and stood up. As he stretched his aching limbs he heard something fall to the ground. He looked down and saw his book laying next to something else that had fallen next to it. He picked it up and turned it over in his hand. It was another book. He read the title and burst out laughing.

  
_Calm The F*ck Down - An Adult Coloring Book._

  
Thanks, Anxiety. Roman grinned widely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this story is literally writing itself. I am just so in love with how awkward these two are around each other! And I love the idea that Anxiety goes to Logan for help during an anxiety attack, it just makes so much sense and I adore the idea of them being friends.  
> I am so glad that you guys are loving this story so much! It makes me so happy to hear what you all have to say about it. I am especially proud of the feel of this chapter, so please do let me know what you think!!  
> Thank you for reading! <3


	4. Opening Up

Anxiety awoke to a soft knocking on his bedroom door. He groaned and pulled the blankets over his head, hoping that whoever it was would go away. Another knock, just slightly louder than it’s predecessor, proved that that would not be happening today. He looked at the clock, 11am. He should probably be getting up anyway. “Who is it?”

“Oh you’re awake! It’s Patton!”

He sighed. Patton only ever came to his room for important things. He forced himself out of bed, grabbing his hoodie and throwing it over his bare torso before opening the door. He felt like the walking dead. Mornings never went well for him, especially when he had to actually get out of bed right after waking up instead of spending a few hours on his phone first. He leaned heavily on the door knob, steadying himself. “What?”

Patton grinned widely. He was already far too sunshiney for Anxiety to deal with so early in the morning. “I just wanted to talk to you! How are you?”

Anxiety turned on his heel and flopped himself back onto his bed, leaving the door open for Patton to follow. He knew his hair was all over the place, and his hoodie zipper was freezing against his skin. He just wanted to go back to sleep. “Tired.”

“You probably wouldn’t be so tired if you went to bed earlier!” Patton sat cross legged on the bed next to him.

He glared at the other, “did you come here to lecture me about my sleeping habits? Cause if so, I’m going back to bed.”

“No, no!” Patton laughed. “I just wanted to ask you…. how is your friendship with Roman going? You two are getting to be like two peas in a pod!”

“Ick.” Anxiety hated that saying, but he hated this conversation even more. That was a leading question and he knew it. Patton was fishing for something, he just didn’t know what. “It’s fine, I guess. Why?”

“I was just curious! I like seeing you two hanging out. It’s nice.” Anxiety just stared, absent mindedly pulling at the strings of his hoodie and waiting for the pin to drop. Patton sighed, he knew that he was caught. “I just wanted to give you some fatherly advice, okay?”

“You’re not my dad.” He felt his face heat up. Patton wasn’t lecturing him, but for some reason he felt like he was. He hadn’t even said the advice yet and Anxiety was already on edge about what he was going to say. Was he going to tell him that he was an awful friend? Probably, really all that he and Roman did was sit around and do their own things in the same vicinity of each other. 

Patton ignored the remark. “Just bear with me here. Roman’s a pretty cool guy, but he gets caught up in himself a lot--” Anxiety scoffed. “--I know you know that. So it’s pretty cool that he wants to be friends with you. He’s trying really hard to be a good friend.”

Anxiety stared down at his hands, picking at a hangnail on his thumb. He felt like his face was on fire, and it had to be fifty shades of red. Conversations like this were really not his strong point. He felt put on the spot, though he knew that wasn’t Patton’s intentions. Why was he like this?

“He really cares about you, Anx. I just want you to consider opening up a bit more, okay? I know it’s scary, but I think you both would benefit from a little sharing!” Patton patted the bed next to Anxiety lightly, sending the sentiment without touching him. He always considered the fact that he didn’t like to be touched. He gave a reassuring smile as Anxiety looked up. “It doesn’t have to be anything big, but I think it would mean a lot to him. I think it would mean a lot to you too.”

Anxiety chewed on his bottom lip and nodded. He knew Patton was right, he always was when it came to things like this, but he couldn’t push down the dread that was rising in his chest. Opening up to anyone was difficult, let alone Roman. They had only just become friends, he didn’t want to ruin it.

“Well, that’s all I wanted to say. I’m proud of you, kiddo.” Patton stood and headed to the doorway. He was almost gone when he hesitated, turning to look at Anxiety once more. “You good?”

“Yeah.” He hesitated before adding, “Thanks Patton.”

“Any time!” The door closed, leaving Anxiety alone again.

What was he supposed to open up about? It’s not like he could just blind side Roman with all of his deepest darkest secrets, nor would he want to. Gross. There wasn’t anything that he could open up about that wouldn’t make him feel like his world was crashing down, but he knew that he had to do it. He didn’t like to admit it, but he loved having Roman as a friend. It had taken a while to get used to his exuberant personality but once he had, it was nice to be around. He felt more comfortable with him than with anyone else.

He rolled over and buried his face into his pillow. It made it hard to breathe but he didn’t care, he just felt like hiding. He knew what it was that he wanted to share, but it was too big. It was something that was important to him, something that helped make him who he was. It was something that he had always wanted to know Roman’s opinion on, but he could never bring himself to share it. He groaned into the pillow and laced his fingers behind his head. Why were friendships so difficult? They were supposed to be fun and comfortable, not like this.

He lifted his head to breathe, propping himself up on his elbows and staring down at the impression his face had left on the pillow. If he wanted to keep Roman as his friend, he had to do it. He had to give something in return for all of the patience that he had been given. It would just take all of the courage that he had to do it.

Under all of the layers of dread, there was a slight bubbling of hope in the pit of his stomach.

\--  
Anxiety had his headphones on. It had become a sign that he wanted to be there, but that he needed space and some time to breathe alone. Before, he would escape to his room any time he was feeling overwhelmed. Now he was able to stick around more. The others tried to give him the space that he needed, though he knew they didn’t quite understand. He couldn’t thank them enough for their patience with him, but he kept that in his head. He didn’t want them to know that he cared, not yet anyway.

He knew that Roman could tell something was off, the intense eye contact that he was making with his doodles was a clear sign. Anxiety had a hand on his headphones, ready to take them off to talk to Roman, but he couldn’t do it. He wanted to speak up, to get his attention and start the stupid sharing process, but he was honestly terrified. Roman’s opinion on it could either make him or break him, and he didn’t know if he was ready for either outcome.

But Patton was right, he kept telling himself. He had to do this. Roman deserved it.  _ He _ deserved it, maybe. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Internally, he was screaming. He was begging for Roman to look up and see that he had something to say, but he was too afraid to say it. The pressure was building up in his chest, if he managed to speak now he didn’t know how it would come out. This was ridiculous, he knew, but he couldn’t help it. He hated how paralyzed by fear he could get.

Roman put his pencil down and moved to sit next to Anxiety on the couch. Anxiety froze, not making eye contact. He had noticed, just like he wanted, but now he wanted to take it back. He just wanted to disappear. He couldn’t do this, not today. Maybe tomorrow. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly.

He felt Roman’s hands grabbing both sides of his headphones, gently pulling them off of him. “You’ve been trying to say something, haven’t you? You can talk to me, you know. I don’t bite.”

Anxiety opened his eyes and was greeted by Roman’s reassuring smile. He was getting tired of needing those reassurances but he couldn’t help but accept them. It was only a matter of time though before they would stop giving them. He had to be becoming a nuisance. How were they still so tolerant?

He wanted to lash out with a snarky comment--this was all getting to be too much. He had to cut the tension, and sarcasm was always how he did it. But his mind was blank, and he was scared that if he did, everything would be ruined even more. He sighed, frustrated, and stood up. Roman seemed disappointed, like he had taken a risk and it had backfired. He thought Anxiety was running away. To be fair, he wanted to, but he couldn’t do it. “Just… come here.”

Anxiety led the way to his bedroom, Roman trailing behind him in confusion. Roman had never been in his room before. It wasn’t what they were there for, but now Anxiety was stressing over that on top of everything else. Was it at least somewhat clean? He couldn’t remember. He paused in front of the door, hand on the knob. “Don’t be weird about it okay?”

Roman smiled and nodded, following him in. He was surprised, it was almost exactly like Thomas’s room. It was familiar and comfortable. He instantly felt calmer, and it was clear why Anxiety liked to spend so much time there. But why were they in his room? Roman didn’t understand. Anxiety was bouncing slightly on his toes, his hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie.

“Okay, this is so stupid but… Patton told me that I needed to  _ open up _ more, or whatever. So…” He walks toward the desk in the far corner and picks up a sketchbook. He clutches it tightly against his chest as he moves back toward Roman. His face is slightly red. Why was he so nervous? Finally he shoved the sketchbook into Roman’s hands, as if it had taken everything that he had to rip it away from himself. “You don’t have to like them or anything, they’re just little… things--I don’t know.”

Roman opened to the first page and he was instantly amazed. He looked back up to Anxiety who was avoiding eye contact again, his face even more red. Roman flipped through the different pages of art. Most of them were just done in pencil, but a few were charcoal. They took his breath away. How had he not known that Anxiety was such an artist? 

“I know they aren’t that good and I’m sure you could do way better but--”

“What!?” Roman exclaimed, startling the other. “These are amazing!”

Anxiety didn’t respond. He couldn’t take the compliment, not from the side of Thomas that was creativity itself. Even so, he couldn’t shove it away and deny it either. It meant too much to him to hear that he was good at something. To hear that the drawings that he had poured his heart and soul into were good. 

“How long have you been drawing?” Roman asked as he flipped through more pages of art. It was all so surreal, dark shadows and swirling imagery. They were incredibly well drawn, but there was something more to them, something deeper.

“As long as I can remember. It’s actually a big source of frustration for Thomas. He can see the images so clearly in his head because I’m drawing them but when he tries,” a small laugh slips out from his lips, “he can’t draw worth crap.”

Roman laughs and hands the sketchbook back to Anxiety, who looks desperate to have it back. As soon as his hands grip the paper he pulls it into his chest and holds it tightly. Roman couldn’t believe that Anxiety had actually let him in. 

“They’re so conceptual, more than just the drawing on the page. You have quite the talent, if I do say so myself.” Anxiety grinned at that. Roman was elated to have made him smile again, and he knew how he could make him even happier. “It’s deeper than what I can usually come up with. If you don’t mind, I would love your help in the creative department sometime. I’d imagine that together we could make something brilliant.”

Anxiety clutched the sketchbook even tighter to himself, staring intensely at Roman’s sheepish smile. He never asked for help, especially not in  _ his  _ department. What was happening? Roman had given him the highest of compliments--not in his words, but in setting aside his own ego to give it. “Okay.”

\--

They began spending even more time together after that. Anxiety would come out of his room during the day and they would sit at the dining room table, pouring over sketchbooks and notebooks. Roman would throw out grandiose ideas and Anxiety would ground them, bringing in a depth and realism that never would have appeared before.

In the evenings, when they were alone and not feeling as productive, they would sit on the floor with their backs against the couch cushions and their legs tucked under the coffee table. Anxiety would sketch something and Roman would color it. Anxiety loved watching his black and white outlines become full of vibrant color. Sometimes he would sit and sharpen Roman’s colored pencils for him after finishing his drawing, watching the other color. He loved seeing how intensely Roman took to his drawings. 

Anxiety had never felt so… valuable before. For the first time he truly felt like part of the whole that they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long! I've been having so many ideas for it, I couldn't decide on one. But last night I was almost asleep when this entire chapter basically wrote itself in my head. So here it finally is!  
> I hope you guys enjoyed this, and I would really love to hear what you think about it! Please do let me know, and thank you for reading!


	5. Six Months Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six months have passed and a lot of things have changed. How much closer have Roman and Virgil gotten?

“Virgil, you’re a genius,” Roman laughed as he scribbled an idea onto a sticky note and stuck it to the wall. “I mean, you’re not on my level of course, but you’re getting there. It takes practice to be as marvelous as me.”

“Oh get off your high horse and give me that. You got it wrong.” One corner of the anxious side’s mouth turned upward before immediately coming back down as he ran his tongue along his teeth to cover it up. Virgil. He had opened up about his name months ago, just one of the many things that had changed in the past six months.

“It’s not wrong. I made it better. It’s staying.”

“Fine, whatever.” 

Roman sat down on the floor next to Virgil. They both leaned back against the foot of Roman’s bed, arms touching, staring up at the wall in front of them that was covered in sticky notes of different colors. They were working on video ideas together. As the embodiment of creativity, Roman had always enjoyed the process of thinking up grandiose ideas and sharing them with the others, but now, with Virgil, it was even better. He had never considered how helpful the other trait could be, but now he realized that they had been working together all along, though neither of them had known. The mind is a complicated thing.

Virgil brought depth to Roman’s ideas. With his help, Thomas’s videos had become a place for people to understand themselves better, a place where people could learn to accept parts of themselves. Including their own anxiety. Virgil had taken their videos from fun pieces of entertainment and helped Roman to see what they truly could be.

There was a time when he would have hated this, where his own ego would have stood in the way of anything like this happening. He didn’t like to look back on how he had once behaved, as if he were better than everyone else.

“You in there, Princey?” Virgil’s hand waved in front of his face.

“Ah, sorry, what?” Roman blinked, turning to face his friend.

“Nope, you weren’t listening. You don’t get to know now.” Virgil stood, shoving his hands into the pockets of his purple hoodie. Yet another thing that had changed. Roman liked to think that the addition of more vibrant colors of his wardrobe were due to his influence. Virgil turned on his heel and walked out of Roman’s room.

“Where are you going?” Roman called out, groaning as he stood and stretched.

“Maybe if you had listened, you’d know,” Virgil replied, his voice fading as he made his way down the hall.

He shook his head and looked once more at the sticky notes that covered the wall. They had been working for hours, and he was sure that somewhere on this wall was something good enough to live up to the standards that they were setting for videos. It was getting difficult to keep the upward trend of quality going, especially with the limitations that they faced in technology. Roman glanced up at the clock, reading 9:57 a.m.

“Oh.” They had been working all night. His stomach growled violently. “ _ Oh! _ ”

Roman chased after Virgil, who would have been perfectly content to let him miss breakfast in revenge for him not listening. What a menace.

“Whoa!” Patton startled, pressing himself against the wall to dodge Roman almost crashing into him. “Slow down there, buddy. We weren’t going to eat without you. I was just coming to get you!”

“Sorry, Patton,” Roman grinned and patted him on the shoulder. “Got a little over excited for food I guess. We were working all night.”

“Another all nighter,” Patton sighed as they walked down the hall together. “Take a nap at some point today, okay? Both of you need your sleep.”

“No promises, we came up with some really good ideas and I want to flesh them out a bit more.”

“I know, but videos can wait a bit longer sometimes--”

“Patton’s right,” Logan spoke up from his seat at the kitchen table. “While I didn’t hear the entire conversation, I assume it was to lecture the two of you about your sleeping habits. I’ve noticed the issue as well, and I am concerned. Lack of sleep can cause drastic emotional changes, which would not make for the most productive mental state.”

Roman shook his head and settled into the chair next to Patton as everyone dug into the breakfast that Patton had made for them. They were both right, he knew. Their sleeping habits had been getting worse and worse as their teamwork improved, the amount of sleepless nights increasing dramatically. Roman rarely tended to notice the time, always getting so lost in the work they were doing, but he knew that Virgil was always hyper aware of things like that. He wondered why he never commented on it until morning came and it was too late to even attempt to sleep. 

He glanced over at Virgil, who had gone quiet after Logan’s remark. Virgil used to rarely talk at meals, opting to eat as little as he could get away with before escaping into his room, but as things had changed between the four of them and their relationships had all improved, Virgil had come out of his shell. He would partake in the banter, laughing and teasing along with the rest of them. But something about what Logan had said had made him sink into himself.

\--

Drastic emotional changes. Virgil frowned. As if that was something he wasn’t used to. The fact was, he had been in a state of ‘drastic emotional change’ for longer than he wanted to admit. It frustrated him to no end. Things were good. He had gotten everything that he wanted. He had friends now, the others had become more than just people whose lives circled near his, he was a valued member of the team. So why was he feeling so… out of sorts?

He stabbed his fork into his pile of hashbrowns. Things were better than good. He was included, he had gained confidence that he had no idea was inside of him, he was smiling more often than he even knew what to do with. But something in him had started whispering weeks ago, and it was only growing in volume. It was the nagging question of  _ how much longer can this go on?  _ Surely they would realize sooner rather than later that he was running out of growth. He had improved, he knew it, but there was only so far that he could go out of his box before it sucked him back in again. Whether they call him Virgil or not, he would always be Anxiety, and the longer he avoided that truth, the harder it would hit him. All of them. 

Roman had been amazing, though he would never tell him that. He had been patient, kind, and helpful. He had pushed him when no one else would. It was part of his obnoxious charm. But he would keep pushing, and eventually there would be nowhere else to go. He felt Roman’s eyes on him now, and he knew the judgments that were taking place. He’s not eating. He’s not talking. He’s going backwards, falling, failing. Virgil shoved a bite of hashbrowns into his mouth in an attempt to cover it up, but he knew it wouldn’t work.

Drastic emotional changes would be welcome, in fact. He stood and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, trying to look tired even though he felt more wired than anything. “You guys are right, I am exhausted. I’m gonna go… take a nap or something.”

The others blinked at him for a moment, a moment of questioning if it was the truth or not. They always regarded him with hesitance, even though they didn’t realize it. He could see it. Patton was the first to speak. “Alright kiddo. If you want something else to eat when you wake up just tell me and I’ll make you something, okay?”

“I would suggest a nap of at least 90 minutes,” Logan stated, setting down his fork and adjusting his glasses. “More if possible.”

“Yeah, I’ll uh, I’ll do that.”

Roman said nothing as Virgil set his plate in the sink and rushed to his room. He closed the door and sat heavily onto the edge of his bed. He could hear blood pumping in his ears and that hum that you only hear when you’re paying attention in the quiet. He had been with at least one of the others at all times for the last 24 hours, something that he never would have imagined being the case just months ago. It was oddly pleasant, but it only left him wanting more. He had gotten used to the sound of their voices pushing out the thoughts that suffocated him when he was alone.

The more he improved, the harder it would be when he inevitably fell. He had always told himself that, repeating it over and over again as a reminder before attempting to sleep. Now he was falling and he could feel it. He should have stayed out there, where he was distracted, but that was just delaying it and making it worse. He had to feel it. He needed it. It’s who he was, after all. Anxiety. He could play at being more, a friend, a teammate, a partner… maybe not that one. But in the end, he would always just be Anxiety.

He let himself fall backwards, his head crashing onto the mattress with more force than he intended. He clutched the sides of his head and tangled his fingers into his hair. Purple strands fell over his eyes. Purple. Just another attempt at being more, being something, being someone. Stupid. He brushed them away and stared up at the ceiling, trying to will the thoughts away.

Hours passed, not moving, barely blinking, hoping that staying still would put him into stasis of some kind and keep the thoughts out. They kept rolling in like storm clouds but he pushed them away, trying to imagine that he wasn’t alone, that there was the soft breaths of one of the others covering that quiet hum. It wasn’t working. He sat up abruptly, making himself light headed. He didn’t want to do this alone. The others had managed to keep him at a level that was relatively okay. Sure there were spikes of anxiety but overall things were fine. If he were with them, he would go back to that feeling. He would be okay.

It was weak and he knew it. He used to deal with this alone. Why did he need someone now? Why couldn’t he just go back to being who he used to be, just until this was over? Or maybe that was the thing. Maybe he was doing it to himself. Maybe this was all just him being dramatic, or ‘drastically emotional’ just because it was brought up. Maybe he just wanted that feeling back. He hadn’t changed at all. He was still the same old anxious mess, playing at being okay. He had never really wanted to change at all, had he? It was just some sick game that he was playing with himself.

Words that Logan had told him who knows how long ago popped into his mind. “If you’re feeling it, it’s real. No matter what your mind says. Feelings are observable. If it is observable, it is true.” He let out a shaky breath. Okay, maybe he wasn’t doing this on purpose, but he was spiraling out of control fast. He knew the truth. He did want to change. He really did. And that meant not dealing with this alone. 

He stood, suddenly determined, and made his way to the door, freezing with his hand on the knob. Who would he go to? Logan would lecture him about how this was all because of lack of sleep. Patton would be kind as always, but this wasn’t a matter of the heart. He just needed distraction, not to talk through his problems. He barely even  _ had  _ any problems in the first place.

That just left… but he couldn’t do that. Could he? He had never gone to Roman in a time like this. Roman had never seen him in this state, not really. And he had just been with him all night, surely he wouldn’t want to deal with him now on top of all of that time. But maybe. Maybe Roman would be the perfect person to go to, actually. Because it was just distraction that he wanted, wasn’t it? He just needed to hear someone, to know that he wasn't alone. And making himself heard was definitely Roman’s specialty. Maybe, if he could just take one more step out of that box, he could be okay.

\--

Roman had intended to take a nap. He had changed into his red flannel pajama bottoms and even climbed into bed, but it was the middle of the day and light streamed into his room. Sure he could just will for the room to darken, but he found his attention caught once more by the sticky notes that hung on the wall. There were some good ideas there. He was sure that he could turn them into something plausible. He was just getting out of bed to look at them more closely when he heard a knock on his door. Probably Patton coming to check on him.

He opened the door and was surprised to see Virgil standing there. His arms were crossed, the tips of his sleeves pulled tightly into his fists. His hair hung down and he refused to make eye contact, looking past him and into the room. “Virgil?”

Virgil opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before trying again. His voice was low when he finally spoke, the undertones of anxiety coming through strongly. “Sorry uh, I didn’t mean to- you were trying to sleep, I’ll just, I’ll just go-”

“Whoa, slow down there. What’s-” He paused. No, he couldn’t ask that. He knew what was wrong. He had learned to see the signs. “Come in, okay? You can hang out in here. I wasn’t sleeping. I got distracted again. Ah, not by you. By the ideas.”

Virgil didn’t move. He seemed frozen, torn between staying and leaving. Roman pulled the door open wider and moved to sit on the bed, hoping Virgil would follow. He had never been with him in this state before, only hearing about it from the others sometimes. He wasn’t sure what to do, what he wanted him to do. Of all of the times, why would he choose to come to him now?

It took a moment, but Virgil finally stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. They didn’t usually bother to close the door when they worked together, but this was different. This felt private, secret. Even though everyone knew that Virgil would get like this sometimes, he didn’t want them to see unless he chose for it to happen. Roman would walk past the closed doors sometimes and wonder what was going on, why he wasn’t allowed in on it, why he wasn’t seen as a safe person. He felt bad for it, but a part of him was elated that Virgil was finally here, finally showing him this side of himself. 

But he still didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Virgil carefully sat on the bed next to him, tucking his hands underneath his thighs and staring at the sticky notes in front of him. He was gnawing on his bottom lip, and Roman worried that he would draw blood if he didn’t do something soon. What could he do that would help him? He had no idea, so he tried the one thing he knew how to do best. He talked.

He pointed at the different notes on the wall, explaining how he had taken the ideas even deeper and fleshed them out even more. He came up with more ideas as he spoke, eventually standing and pulling off the ones that he had deemed not good enough, letting them fall to the floor around his feet, and editing the ones that remained. He kept going, working through his thoughts out loud and glancing back at Virgil as he spoke. He cheered inwardly when Virgil brought his legs up underneath himself and rested his elbow on his knee, chin in hand. He was relaxing, bit by bit. 

Roman continued until only one sticky note remained. That was the one. He pulled it off the wall and handed it to Virgil, finally settling back down on the bed next to him. “Do you agree?”

Virgil thought for a moment and nodded. He still wasn’t speaking, but he was doing better. Talking seemed to help. He pushed himself backwards until he was leaning against the headboard, folding his hands together behind his head. “You know, it’s a lot easier to think things through out loud.”

He watched Virgil rotate, sitting cross legged facing him.

“You’ve been quite helpful.” Roman paused as Virgil looked away. He didn’t seem to agree. Roman found himself wanting to say more. He found his mind filled with praise, compliments, and encouragement. But he didn’t know how to say any of it. It was strange. He had always been selfish, thinking of himself and his own accomplishments. He knew that he had a tendency to be that way. He was no stranger to his own vanity, but now he was truly seeing someone else. He was seeing Virgil. “I know you don’t believe me. It’s okay. You don’t have to.”

He suddenly found himself feeling nervous, almost shy. He wanted to blame it on Virgil’s energy, but he knew that wasn’t the case. Even so, he subtly dimmed the room in hopes of hiding the redness that he could feel rising in his face.

“But I think… it’s important that you know that I’m sorry.”

“What?”

Roman looked up, finally making eye contact with the boy across from him. He looked startled and confused.

“I haven’t exactly been the most compassionate of princes.” He looked away. “I think we both know that I have a bit of… an ego.”

He was expecting a smirk, or that quick, breathy laugh that Virgil sometimes does, but it didn’t come.

“I used to be so angry. You’ve always been the favorite. I thought I was going to be pushed out, or forgotten. I felt like I was becoming… unimportant.” Something about the darkness of the room and the intensity of Virgil’s stare had him spilling everything. He couldn’t keep it in any longer. “I think at first I wanted to be your friend so badly because I was curious. But now, I’ve gotten to know you. And… I’m realizing how, well, how dramatic I was being. Before, I said that you make us better. But…”

He felt the bed shift as Virgil laid down at the foot of the bed. The moment was getting too much for him, Roman could tell. But he couldn’t stop. He had started, and it all poured out of him. All the secrets and the months feeling inferior, miniscule compared to how he felt now. He hesitated, the silence between them growing and his own nerves bubbling up more and more. He just had to say it. He had to admit it.

“The truth is, you don’t just make us better. You… you make  _ me  _ better.”

All he could hear was his own breathing. He had run out of things to say. That was the big one. That was the truth. It felt like forever passed before Virgil’s quiet voice found his ears in the darkness, as he realized that he had made the room so dark it might as well have been night. “Thank you, Roman.”

Nothing else was said between them, but Virgil didn’t leave. Roman didn’t want him to. His mind had finally quieted, all the thoughts that were spinning in his head had finally been put out in the open. His eyes felt heavy and he let himself drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! It's been ages since I've updated this story. Six months, give or take. I'm so sorry that it's taken me this long, but long story short, everything in my life fell apart all at once. I got divorced and had to move back home, I found myself with too much time on my hands but dealing with too much mentally to do anything with it. I've improved so much mentally, and I'm actually going back to school now and living with my parents for the time being. I know I don't need to justify my absence, but I wanted you guys to know why I left for a while. I tried so hard to write, but I just wasn't able to. But now I'm able to write again and I am SO happy. 
> 
> I know my writing style has changed a little, and this chapter probably feels quite different from the others. If you're wondering why I skipped it forward six months, two things: 1) I just couldn't still call him Anxiety, and I didn't feel like a name reveal within the story would have been right. 2) I had been keeping this as close to accurate to canon as possible. I know it's definitely shifted away from it but I wanted the timeline to be similar and for it to follow that path as much as it could. Anyway, I'll stop explaining now as I feel like the story should speak for itself. I'm so glad to be back, and I'm working on the next chapter right now! 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck around in my absence. It means a lot to me and I truly hope that you still have the same love for this story that you did before. Have a wonderful day everyone!


	6. Different

Something had been different for Roman since the night he opened up to Virgil. It was strange to admit those things, the things that he hadn’t even fully realized were in his head. He had been overcome with the need to tell Virgil the truth. The strangest thing, however, was waking up to find Virgil curled up like a cat on the foot of his bed, asleep.

Roman had grinned widely at the sight, contemplated taking a picture but thought better of it, and then leaned his head back and closed his eyes once more. He hadn’t fallen back to sleep, but he didn’t want to move and disturb the anxious side. It wasn’t long after when he heard Virgil stir. He kept his eyes closed, half avoiding a conversation about what he had said before and half wondering whether he was going to stay or not.

He listened, eyes squeezed shut despite the fact that it was dark and Virgil probably wouldn’t be able to see that he was awake anyway. A twinge of disappointment ran through him when he felt the weight at the end of the bed shift and heard the padding of feet on carpet before the door opened and closed. He let his eyes open slowly and crossed his arms behind his head, staring up at the ceiling.

That was the moment that something in him changed. The disappointment that he felt surprised him, and he wasn’t sure what to do with this new information. 

Days later, he found himself sat on Logan’s bed in search of advice once more. “What did you mean when you said that Virgil and I are highly compatible?”

Logan leaned back in his desk chair, folding his hands in his lap. “When?”

“I don’t know. It was a long time ago now.” Roman wrung his hands around his sash, not caring about the wrinkles that it would inevitably create. He had too much on his mind to worry about it.

“Well I don’t remember the moment that you’re referring too, however I would assume that I was implying what you have clearly already learned. The two of you have learned to work together, and it has created positive results.”

“Oh.”

Logan furrowed his brows and cocked his head slightly. “Were you hoping for a different answer?”

Roman stood, waving his hands and heading quickly for the door. “No, that’s it! Thanks, Logan!”

He pulled the door shut behind him, leaving Logan confused and having no further answers for the questions that swirled in his head. He was heading for Patton’s room next when he crossed paths with Virgil in the hallway.

“Hey, Princey.” That low, familiar voice rumbled and Roman found himself grinning softly. Virgil’s hoodie was tied around his waist, revealing the long sleeved purple shirt that he usually wore underneath. It was strange seeing him so casual. Strange in a good way.

Roman leaned back against the wall, giving the other room to pass. “Hey, Verge. What’s up?”

“Forgot my pencils in the kitchen. I had an idea for a drawing, spent ages tearing apart my room trying to find them, and then realized that I was just being an idiot because they weren’t even in there.” He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, an anxious habit that Roman was beginning to recognize. “If it doesn’t suck I’ll show you later.”

Roman laughed, reaching out to put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. He gave it a reassuring squeeze. “It won’t suck.”

Virgil glanced at the hand on his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. Roman hadn’t even realized what he had done. He pulled his hand back and crossed his arms, trying not to show his surprise at himself. They had never had a very touchy friendship, except for it’s awkward beginning of course. Virgil’s eyes narrowed, analyzing the situation for a moment before continuing. “Right. Well. We’ll see.”

“I look forward to it. Later.” Roman replied as he pushed off the wall and headed for Patton’s room at a faster pace than before, leaving yet another side alone with their confusion. He just hoped that Virgil wouldn’t read too much into their encounter.

He groaned when he found Patton’s door open and the room empty.

\--

Virgil found Patton with his head in the fridge, digging around for something in the back. He plopped himself down at the table, rolling one of the pencils that he had left there back and forth on the wood. Patton finally emerged with a container of chocolate frosting in one hand and a bag of animal crackers in the other. He pulled out a chair and sat next to Virgil, setting the food between them. “You’re here just in time for the best snack in the history of the world!”

“Roman’s acting weird,” Virgil blurted out as he grabbed a cracker and dug it deeply into the frosting, retrieving it with much more frosting than cracker.

“What did he do?” Patton’s demeanor instantly shifted into dad mode as he poured the crackers directly onto the table for easier access.

“He put his hand on my shoulder all… I don’t know. Weird.”

“What’s weird about that? I do it all the time!” It was true. As Virgil had started coming out of his shell and becoming more comfortable, Patton had taken every opportunity. They were no strangers to one sided hugs and pats now. Virgil would never admit that he actually enjoyed the contact, but Patton knew. He always seemed to know.

“Well, yeah. But it’s different.” He picked up a pencil and started poking it into one of the crackers, breaking off it’s limbs one by one.

“Because it’s Roman?”

“I don’t know.” Virgil would be lying if he said that he hadn’t noticed the increasing amount of contact between them. They often sat side by side, legs and arms brushing as they worked on projects together. Every time it gave him a mixture of anxiety and calm, a feeling that completely contradicted itself. But this was different. This was deliberate. It was a firm pressure, the weight of his hand heavy on his shoulder. It was filled with something that Virgil didn’t want to think about. 

“If you don’t want him to touch you, you can tell him. I think he knows you well enough now that he would understand.” Patton stared at him for a moment, receiving no response. “And if you do actually enjoy that… maybe that’s a good thing. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s bad.”

Virgil hummed and nodded, brushing the crumbs of his mutilated animal cracker into one hand and collecting his pencils in the other. He stood and dropped the crumbs into the trash.

“I’m proud of you, kiddo.”

“You always say that,” Virgil responded as he made his way back to his room to draw.

“It’s always true!”

\--

Roman was already in common room, sat on the floor between the couch and coffee table and leaning over whatever he was working on, when Virgil finally emerged from his bedroom. He clutched his sketchbook to his chest as he made his way forward. “Hey.”

Roman looked up and smiled widely. His eyes drifted to the sketchbook, “so, it didn’t suck then?”

“Not so much, I guess.” He set the sketchbook on the table and slid down into the space next to Roman. He was hyper aware of the contact as their crossed legs bumped knees, but he didn’t move away. He flipped the book open to the newest page, revealing a vibrant sunset. The page was filled with reds, oranges, and pinks. He didn’t usually use colors.

Roman carefully pulled the drawing closer. “It doesn’t suck at all. It’s beautiful.”

Virgil let himself settle in and get more comfortable, resting his arms on his knees with his usual terrible posture. His right arm brushed against Roman’s knee in a way that could easily be passed off as unintentional, but if it wasn’t, maybe that wasn’t so awful after all. 

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. “Not bad. Just different.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh things are starting to get a little bit more interesting! I actually had a lot of fun with this awkward chapter. Hope you enjoyed it! :)


	7. Shattered Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Breaking glass and a panic attack

Virgil had been acting strange lately. He seemed to have reverted back to the grumpy, standoffish persona that he used to put on, slinking through the halls with his head down and hackles up. Suddenly he was more Anxiety than he was Virgil, and Roman didn’t know how to handle it.

He wanted to grab the other side by the shoulders and shake the past out of him until he came back to the person that he had grown into over the past several months. It was good, _they_ were good. Weren’t they? Or perhaps Virgil had just been trying too hard and found himself unable to keep up the facade. That thought scared him more than he would like to admit, and he refused to believe it.

The sound of footsteps shook him from his thoughts. He was sitting at the kitchen table, his chin resting in his hand. How long had he been there, just thinking? The footsteps stopped and he looked up to see Virgil, frozen in the hallway with a startled look on his face. Roman leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “Well, if it isn’t Peter Panic. Nice of you to join the rest of us.”

“You’re the only one here.” Virgil’s voice was quiet as he continued on his path to the cupboard, one hand tucked into his pocket and the other reaching up for a glass.

“Yeah,  _ now _ . You could have come out earlier.” Roman drummed his fingers on the wood of the table in front of him. He could feel the restless energy radiating from Virgil, and it made his own stomach uneasy. What was happening? He first began to feel it when Virgil started adding colors to his sketches. Something had changed since then, and his friend had begun to spiral out of control. He had stopped coming out of his room for their nightly visits and then he stopped coming out for meals. After that, no one really saw much of him. Patton was the only one ever allowed into his room, but he would return with black under his eyes and a shrug of his shoulders.

“Right.” His tone was mocking as he filled the glass with water from the fridge. It wasn’t until the glass was full that Roman noticed how much he was shaking. Something was very wrong.

Roman stood, moving around the table. “Virgil…”

“Stop.” Virgil commanded, his entire body suddenly stiff. The undertones of anxiety were strong, a deep growl dragging under his words. “Don’t do that. Just don’t.”

“Do what? I just want to-”

“Don’t!” He shouted through clenched teeth as the glass slipped from his hand, sending water and sharp shards scattering across the floor.

Roman hesitated as Virgil flinched away from the sound, his shoulders lifted high, eyes squeezed shut. They both stood there, still and silent, neither knowing what to do.

Finally, Virgil opened his eyes and rubbed his hands over his face. “I’ll clean this up.”

“Nonsense.” Roman waved a hand and the mess was gone. The glass that had sparkled on the floor vanished, the linoleum now dry. He took a step toward Virgil, but he was met with a glare.

“I said I could do it!” The energy rolling off of Virgil made Roman tense, eyes wide. He just wanted to help, but he could feel the fear spreading over his skin, sinking down until his muscles were tight and his bones seemed to lock. The feeling faded as the anxious side stormed away. Roman sunk to sit on the floor with his back against the fridge, feeling defeated. None of this made any sense. What was Virgil so afraid of?

\-- 

It was too much. Virgil didn’t know what to do. He was spiraling out of control, losing himself and everything that he had worked for. His heart had been racing for so long that it hurt, his stomach was so nauseated that he couldn’t eat. He felt light headed, like he could collapse at any moment. Was he even breathing properly? Probably not. He couldn’t tell. His vision was going dark at the edges and his hands were numb. His hands were numb. Numb. His body wasn’t getting enough oxygen, or too much oxygen? He couldn’t remember. Panic had set in, making his feet feel too heavy as he forced himself forward, to move, to leave Roman standing in the kitchen, confused, hurt. Hurt. Because of him. 

He wanted to go back to his room, to hide under the covers and never come out. Maybe if he did that for long enough he would just disappear and all of his problems would go away. Somehow he ended up in front of Logan’s door and before he could stop himself he was tumbling inside without even knocking. He fell to his knees. His breathing was too heavy, inhaling until his lungs hurt and exhaling until it felt like a vacuum inside of his chest. But it was all happening too quickly, stars scattering in his vision.

There was a voice, low, calming, constant. Logan? Obviously. It was Logan’s room. Of course it would be Logan. A hand on his back, rubbing slowly, rhythmically. Rhythm. Breathing. Counting. He pressed his forehead into his arms, folded against the carpet, squeezing his eyes shut and willing the lights dancing behind his eyelids to go away. Rhythm. The hand moves up to his shoulder blades and he inhales. The hand moves down to his lower back and he exhales.

The first normal breath, though still shaky, felt like sweet relief and the stars dispersed from his vision. He opened his eyes and the carpet fibers were so close that they blurred. He blinked and stared at the seam of his jeans, pulled tight where his knees bent. The hand on his back left and he heard the shuffling of Logan moving to sit in front of him and the soft creak of the bed as he leaned against it. Virgil didn’t move as he mumbled a quiet apology.

“It’s no trouble at all, though I was certainly surprised at your sudden arrival.”

“I shouldn’t have barged in like that-”

“Nonsense.” That word again. Virgil cringed, flashing back to the kitchen, to Roman just trying to help but being hurt instead. “I am happy to be of assistance in any time of need.”

Virgil unclenched his hands, spreading his fingers wide against the carpet and feeling the texture of it before pushing himself up to sit cross legged. He couldn’t look at Logan. He was embarrassed and ashamed. They all knew that he had fallen back into his old ways, but this was the first time that anyone had seen him having a full blown panic attack in over a year. “Logan… can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“Is it possible for a side to get… too close to another side? So close that it’s a bad thing?” Virgil tugged at his shoelaces, pulling them tighter and looser and tighter again. He finally looked up at Logan to see him purse his lips in thought.

“I don’t understand what you mean,” Logan said slowly. “Please rephrase the question.”

Virgil groaned a little, balancing his elbows on his crossed knees and letting his forehead fall into his hands. “I mean… can a side get so close to another side that they lose themself?”

Logan was quiet for a moment and Virgil could practically feel the gears turning in his mind. “Well, I suppose theoretically anything is possible. However, with my current knowledge I would say that it is unlikely. As fully fledged sides of a personality, it would be quite difficult for our qualities to be fractured in such a way.”

“Then why do I feel like I’m not myself anymore?” Virgil tangled his fingers in his hair, his heart beginning to pound again with frustration. “I was doing good. But then… I got too… I changed. Is that even possible? I’m anxiety. I shouldn’t be able to feel… there’s limits. You know?”

Logan hummed, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow inquisitively. “Is this about Roman?”

Virgil shook his head roughly. “No. Maybe. I don’t know.”

“While feelings are obviously not my department, I may have some analysis that may be of use to you. If you would like to hear it, of course.”

“Please. Figure out what’s wrong with me.”

Logan stood, freeing himself to pace and gesture as he spoke. “You are anxiety. You are fear and nervousness, that restless energy that can often be quite upsetting. But anxiety is not a constant feeling. It shifts as people become more accustomed to their surroundings and experiences. Often as an individual gets more comfortable with the other people in their life, their anxiety quiets and may even become content for a time. This seems to be how you have been feeling for the last few months with Roman. Correct?”

Virgil shifted uncomfortably, watching Logan pace back and forth in front of him. “I guess…”

“But there came a time when that closeness suddenly morphed into something different, and the contentment that you once felt became fear.” He paused and looked down at Virgil, waving a hand in his direction. “Am I still on the right track?”

“Maybe…”

“As anxiety, you feel this fear in a more exaggerated way. We have learned that understanding and accepting fear and anxiety leads to it becoming much more calm. Avoiding what you are afraid of only serves to magnify it until it becomes unmanageable. For example, in the form of a fully fledged panic attack on the floor of my bedroom.”

“Well, yeah. But that doesn’t answer the question-”

“We’re getting there.” Logan sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at Virgil. The usual intensity that came with his lectures wasn’t there, instead his face seemed strangely soft and comforting. His voice was low, speaking slowly and reassuringly. “The feeling of losing yourself in another is not uncommon, though it can be quite frightening. I urge you to think of it another way. When you spend enough time with another person, you begin to pick up some of their traits. It happens to everyone, including us. You are not losing yourself, and alternatively, you are not stealing anything away from them. Instead, you are simply learning to work as a team, or a single unit. This mixture can be a good thing as long as it is done in a balanced way.”

Virgil stayed quiet, his face growing warm as he pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

“Put another way: If my analysis is correct, you are not losing yourself... You are in love with Roman. Am I wrong?”

Silence spread between them, the bluntness of Logan’s words hanging in the air. Virgil wanted to deny it, to hiss at the logic of Logan’s words and retreat. But he was too far past that point. He couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He had reached his breaking point, hyperventilating on Logan’s floor, and there was no fixing him now. He hid his face behind his knees, pulling them in tighter to himself. 

He heard Logan shifting in front of him again and felt a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay to be afraid, Virgil, but fear has to be dealt with at some point.”

\--

Roman had been pacing back and forth in his room for longer than he would like to admit, his mind going wild with thoughts. Clearly something was very wrong with Virgil. He had felt the fear radiating from him, but he had no idea where it came from. A nagging thought in the back of his mind kept telling him that it was his fault, but it couldn’t be. Could it?

He thought back, trying to come up with some explanation, but none came. Things had been good. They had been working together as a team, seeming to blend into one cohesive unit. They were creating things, beautiful things, and their success had been astronomical. Where Roman used to fumble through hundreds of ideas before finding the perfect one, Virgil managed to direct him away from the bad ideas and toward the good ones with skill and efficiency. He had caught glimpses of his sketchbook too, where it had once been dark charcoal sketches it was now filled with color. Reds blended into purples, and Roman’s heart swelled at the beauty of them.

Virgil had even seemed happy beneath his dark, edgy aesthetic.

How could it have gone so wrong? He had distanced himself so quickly that Roman felt like he had whiplash. One night they were laughing together, Roman’s arm hanging over the couch behind Virgil, and then the next night he didn’t come out. What had happened between that time?

Roman had tried to talk to him. He tried to coax him out of his bedroom, to return them to what had become their new normal. He longed to laugh together again, because there was something about Virgil’s laugh that was refreshing and good. But no amount of knocking could drag him out. He wouldn’t have been surprised if ice began to spread from beneath the door.

After what happened in the kitchen, he needed to do more. His friend was hurting, and he refused to stand by any longer without vanquishing the demons that taunted him, even if they were there because of something that Roman had done. He steeled his nerves and marched through his door and down the hall.

He was surprised to find Virgil heading toward his room as well. Where had he been? Roman had been expecting to have to fight for him to let him in, but instead he was standing right there in front of him. “Virgil!”

The other side startled, grabbing the door handle and pushing the door open before hesitating. He looked up at Roman, sighing. His face was pale and he looked completely drained. He still held the doorknob with one hand while the other reached up to rub at the back of his neck. “Sorry, about earlier. I’ll be better from now on.”

Roman stopped in front of him, his bravado deflating. “I just came to tell you that you can still talk to me, if you want to. I just want us to go back to how we were. I… I miss you.”

Virgil’s eyes widened slightly. “Yeah. I uh, want that too. Sorry I’ve been… well. You know.”

Roman grinned sheepishly and reached a hand out, “truce?”

A moment passed with both of them staring at each other. Tension hung in the air, but it was somehow not unpleasant. Roman was beginning to lose hope in the gesture when finally Virgil’s hand reached forward and took his.

Their grasp was warm and firm, and neither of them wanted to let go. Roman found his breath catching in his throat and he looked up from their hands to see Virgil staring at him. There was something in his eyes that seemed to draw him in. It was hesitant and scared, but there was something wanting in it. It was questioning, but trusting. And then suddenly those brown eyes were widening and Virgil was pulling away. When had they gotten so close? Somehow they had only been inches apart. Roman opened his mouth to say something, but Virgil quickly vanished and the door shut in front of him, leaving him with his heart racing and his skin tingling.

Roman had wanted to close the distance, and he would have done it without a second thought. He would have pressed their lips together and wrapped an arm around Virgil’s back, pulling him in close and holding him until all of that fear melted away. He would have done it again, and again, and again if the other let him.

Well, that was new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's another one for you!! This story is so close to the end, I can almost taste it... just like Roman could almost- you know, you get it. Haha anyway, hope you enjoyed this one! Gotta have a little tension, right? Please let me know what you think, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night/whatever!


	8. Better

Roman found himself coloring more aggressively than usual, his pencils leaving deep indents on the paper. He was waiting, hoping that Virgil would actually come out tonight but trying not to let his hopes soar too high. Sure they had both agreed that they wanted to go back to normal, but after their almost kiss--if that’s even what it was--he wouldn’t be surprised if Virgil had been scared away once again. Even Roman’s heart was racing at the idea of seeing him again, but the romantic side of him was strong and the fear of rejection was overpowered by the dream of perfection. He so badly wanted this to work.

A quiet sniff brought his attention to the hallway where Virgil stood, as if he were asking for permission to enter. His headphones were on beneath his hood, a clear sign that he was not in the mood to talk. He had one hand in his pocket and the other gave a small, two fingered wave at his side. 

Roman smiled, trying hard to make it as calming and welcoming as possible. He tried not to be too disappointed when Virgil sat in the recliner off to the side of the room instead of on the floor beside him, where they usually sat together. He watched as Virgil curled his legs underneath himself and pulled out his phone, immediately hiding in the screen.

He returned to his coloring. It felt like when they first started spending time together, walking on eggshells just to keep him from running away. He felt like if he looked at the other side wrong he would instantly vanish, and he probably wasn’t too far off. The longer he stared down at the page in front of him, the harder it became for him not to stare at Virgil in his peripheral vision.

Virgil’s fingers tapped on the screen in a typing motion. He paused, and then aggressively tapped in the same place over and over again, like he was backspacing an entire paragraph. Roman watched the cycle of typing and deleting, typing and deleting, wondering what on earth was going on. Eventually, his phone buzzed in his pocket.

_ V: Hey. _

That had been an awful lot of typing for a one word text to come out of it. Roman glanced up at Virgil, who was staring at nothing in the corner of the room, his cheeks red. He typed out a quick reply and hit send, the vibration causing Virgil to jump.

_ R: What’s up, Bugs Broody? _

The long process of typing and deleting began once more and Roman returned to his coloring, waiting for the buzz to capture his attention again. Time passed, the ticking of Roman’s internal clock growing loud in his mind. 

_ V: Sorry _

_ R: For what? There’s nothing to be sorry for, as far as I’m concerned. _

_ V: I’m _

A sharp hiss followed that message, a clear sign that he hadn’t meant to send it yet. Roman watched as Virgil ran a shaking hand across the bridge of his nose before sinking further into the recliner and typing again.

_ V: I’m scared _

_ R: It’s okay to be afraid, but you don’t have to be. _

The silence in the room was tense. Waves of unease radiated from Virgil’s direction, but they couldn’t overpower the stirring of hope in Roman’s stomach.

_ V: That’s what Logan said _

_ R: Well, he’s smart sometimes. _

A quick, breathy laugh came from Virgil and Roman grinned down at his phone. He had abandoned his project now, opting instead to watch the ellipses appear and disappear on his screen.

_ V: Last night. I didn’t mean to _

Roman’s stomach sank and he felt heat flood his skin. Whatever had happened between them was unintentional, of course, but perhaps it was also unwanted. He hesitated before responding, not giving up on the slight hope that Virgil didn’t mean it how it sounded.

_ R: I didn’t mind. _

_ V: I mean _

He looked up at Virgil once more, wishing that he could just get inside his head and know what was really going on in there. He was covering the lower half of his face with a hand tucked into his sleeve, typing with one hand now, but he couldn’t hide the blush that had spread over his cheeks and up to his ears. At some point he had pulled his headphones off, and they hung around his neck.

_ V: I didn’t mean to run away _

_ V: I would have stayed _

_ V: This is stupid nevermind _

_ V: Sorry _

Roman smiled softly at his phone screen before clicking it off and setting his phone down on the table in front of him. He lifted himself off the floor and back to sit on the couch, leaving an open space beside him. “Come here.”

Virgil’s eyes widened as he looked up, gnawing on his bottom lip.

His voice was loud against the quiet that had fallen between them. Roman spoke again, quieter this time. “It’s okay, no pressure.”

A long moment passed before Virgil finally moved, his arms wrapped tightly around himself. He settled down next to Roman, sitting sideways so that his crossed legs were between them as a small barrier. 

Roman turned to face him, slinging an arm over the back of the couch. He had to be careful, he knew. The night before had happened on it’s own, free of thought and worry. It had come easily, as if it were always meant to have happened. If they had just been more aware of what was happening, it would have been perfect. But this was intentional, full of fear and hesitance. Beneath all of that though, there was energy. There was excitement. “Virgil… would you run away if I kissed you now?”

Seconds passed that felt like minutes, dragging on and on while Roman’s breath stayed trapped in his lungs. Virgil looked down at the phone that was clutched tightly in his hands, typing a message with shaking thumbs.

_ V: No _

Virgil looked up at Roman, eyes wide. He was afraid, but it was different than what had been coursing through him recently. It wasn’t the dark, crushing anxiety that normally pulsed through his veins. The energy radiating off of him now was the same nervous excitement that preceded performances, the same hope that came before those risks that you take and then look back on as the best times in your life. This anxiety was good.

Roman lifted a hand to Virgil’s face, letting his thumb brush against his cheekbone and his fingers come to rest below his ear. He stayed there for a moment, giving him every opportunity to run away if he wanted to. Virgil’s eyes closed, and Roman’s heart soared. 

He had let go. He was trusting. 

Roman leaned in and pressed their lips together. Virgil inhaled sharply, but he didn’t pull away. He stayed, eyes squeezed shut and breath shaky. The kiss was still and soft, full of patience and trust. Roman pulled away slightly, just enough to be able focus on Virgil’s face. “Is this okay?”

The corner of Virgil’s mouth turned up slightly, and suddenly he closed the distance between them again. It was more than okay. It was everything that he had always wanted, and he wasn’t afraid anymore.

Roman had taken him and pulled him into the sun. Sure, it was blinding at first, but his eyes had adjusted to the light now. He was allowed to be there. He, anxiety, the dark and brooding one, the one who just wanted to keep everyone out of harm’s way, was allowed to feel this. He let his hands reach out and touch Roman’s jaw lightly, not holding on but keeping him there all the same. Roman’s breath was loud in his ears, his lips soft against his own. He was allowed to do this. This was safe.

Suddenly he couldn’t hold it back anymore. His mouth curved upwards into a wide grin as he pulled away. His hands slid down to Roman’s shoulders, his head fell forward until his forehead bumped against the other’s chest, and he laughed. It bubbled up from deep within him, shoulders shaking with light, airy laughter as Roman’s hands lifted away in confusion. 

“Okay, what is happening here?” Roman’s voice was low, a mixture of concern and amusement. His hands settled on Virgil’s back, a gentle pressure that spread warmth through his entire body.

It just made Virgil laugh even more, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. Finally he wiped at his eyes and sat back, unable to contain the lopsided smile on his face. This wasn’t him losing himself, he realized. This was a part of him being pulled up from the depths of himself and shoved back into existence. This was the good kind of anxiety, the kind that made everything feel that much better when it all worked out. This was something in himself that he had lost, but it was found now.

Roman shook his head, amusement shining in his eyes. “That’s it, I’ve broken you.”

“Roman?” Virgil asked. His grin faltered and seriousness returned to his demeanor. He received a questioning hum in response, pushing him to continue. “You make me better too.”

Not a moment passed before his lips were captured in another kiss, all smiles and breathy laughter.

\--

“I’m just saying, it’s a bad idea.” Virgil crossed his arms, staring up at the wall of sticky notes in front of him. They were narrowing the ideas down, but Roman was clinging tightly to a few of them that needed to just be let go.

“No idea is a bad idea, my dark and stormy knight. In fact, this one is brilliant, if I do say so myself!” 

“Good thing you’re not the one with the final say then.”

Roman pouted, dramatically sighing and letting himself fall backwards onto the bed beside Virgil. “You never let me have any fun.”

“Liar. I let you have way more fun than I should.” Virgil shook his head and stood, moving to pull a sticky note from the wall. He held it out to Roman, confidence shining in his eyes. “This one.”

With a groan, Roman pulled himself up into a sitting position and pulled the paper from his hands. He stared at it for a moment, tilting his head back and forth as he thought. Suddenly a wide grin spread across his face. He tossed the sticky note onto the bed beside him and reached forward, grabbing the front of Virgil’s hoodie and gently tugging him closer. “This is why I keep you around.”

“You keep me around for much better reasons,” Virgil said with another shake of his head. He tried to conceal the slight smirk spreading across his face, but Roman could see right through him.

Roman was about to reply when a knock at the door signaled breakfast time. Before he could protest, Virgil was out of his grasp and heading out the door. He let out a small whine of frustration and quickly followed. He paused at the door, looking back at the state of his room. 

They had pulled another all nighter. Sticky notes covered the floor and a few were scattered across his bed. His eyes travelled to the nightstand where one of Virgil’s drawings was framed. A sunset shimmered over the water, reds fading into the purple clouds. It was beautiful. He smiled and pulled the door shut behind him.

When he got to the table, Patton was already dishing up the food for everyone. He wore an impish grin, pausing when he got to Logan. “You know, Lo… you owe me a dog.”

“Excuse me?”

Virgil looked up at him in confusion as Roman settled into the seat next to him. He shook his head, silently telling him not to worry about it.

“A long, long time ago, in a hallway not too far away…” Patton pointed a finger towards the hall, “that one to be exact.”

“Skip to the preposterous point where you assume I owe you a dog, please.” Logan adjusted his glasses, looking miffed.

“Well, you may not have said the words  _ exactly,  _ but… when we were trying to get these two to talk, there was talk of a dog!” Patton put his hands on his hips, beaming.

“You what?” Virgil asked, but the others ignored him. He glanced at Roman once more, who simply shrugged in feigned ignorance.

“Are you speaking of the time where you requested a dog, and I firmly said ‘no’?”

“Maybe.”

“The answer is still no, and unless our living situation changes significantly it will always be a no.”

Virgil stabbed a fork into his waffles. “Yeah, I’m just going to pretend that you guys are being normal for once.”

Roman reached over and poked him in the shoulder, “you wouldn’t have it any other way and you know it.”

His cheeks flushed as he shoved a bite into his mouth. “Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow you guys. This is the first story that I have ever finished. This started as just an awkward, slightly cringey oneshot, and it was my first ever contribution to this fandom. I was surprised by a few people (I think it was maybe three people, but to me it was everything) loving it, and I was pushed to continue. This story got me through some rough times in my life, and I wanted to thank you all for being so patient with me. Through my long waits for new chapters, including my what, six month hiatus? You've been right here with this story, encouraging me every step of the way. Thank you for being the push I needed to keep on going on this journey to the end. In ten years of writing fanfiction, I can finally let a story go.   
> I also want to say thank you for validating me throughout all of this. A lot of Virgil's behaviors were based on me and things that I have experienced. Seeing you guys relate to him and understand what those things feel like was incredible for me. Thanks for making me feel that much more human.   
> If you enjoyed this story, please do check out my others! I have changed a lot since the first chapter of this story, and I do hope that it shows. I hope to see you all again. Everyone who commented on this story or left kudos, and even you silent readers out there, you have made me very happy. Have a wonderful day, and know that I love you. <3


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